a small spell for going home again

they say
that you cannot

but i say
that this is only
the beginning
of the sentence

you cannot go home again
if your home has been
     stolen
          destroyed
               rendered uninhabitable
                    altered beyond the compass of what is home
if your home
never existed
by whatever circumstance
     of fate
          fernweh
               surreal bad luck

(you may not want to go home again
 if home was never
      a refuge
           a welcome
                a silence filled with
                     the soft hum of voices past bedtime
                          the tick-tock of an ancestral clock
                               the cocooned safety of an ancient quilt
                                   the warmth of shared breath)

you cannot go home again
without
     money
          power
               a certain amount of privilege
                    the right wizard knocking on your door 
                    at the right moment

you cannot go home again
and expect that
     nothing has changed
          everyone will remember you
               all trees are still standing
                    all friends are still friends
                         and all enemies, enemies

you cannot go home again
without
a hobbit's realization that
     nothing will ever be quite the same
          you are not the same
               none of us are ever the same
                    from one road to the next
                         from one journey to the next
                              from one moment to the next

you cannot go home again
if you carry home with you
     if you are home
          if you are a child of
               this land
                    this earth
                         this universe
you are always home

you cannot go home again
uncontaminated
          by the dust and pollen of another place
               by thoughts and lives you once could not imagine
                    by the fruit of the tree
                         of the knowledge
                              of good and better
                                   of evil and worse
                                        of difference and indifference

you cannot go home again
without new fingerprints
on your heart

what is certain
is this--

it is possible
     to go home
          to find home
               to be home
                    to become home

so light a candle
     for those you may see again
          for those you will never see again
               for the patch of bare earth 
                    that marks the grave
                    of the dog you buried--
                         say farewell
                              to bare earth
                                   for when you return 
                                        it will have burst 
                                             into blossom

resolve
     that home is a snail's house you carry with you
          that home is also within you
               that wherever you go
                    in this wide universe
                         you are home
                         you are always home

and if you are very fortunate
     and very brave
               
you may not only be home
but become home
     for those you love
          for those you encounter
               for the home-less
                    for all things strange and wonderful
                         lost and lovely
                              beautiful and broken
                                   infinitesimal
                                        and
                                             infinite
                     
               

   


 
          


5 thoughts on “a small spell for going home again

  1. Good morning wonderful Brenna!

    Thank you very much for sharing your writing with me. It is very thought-provoking. It’s deep and it’s light and it’s fun. You are amazing!

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    div dir=”ltr”>Thanks aga

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